How to Win Friends and Influence People with a Twist

9 Principles for Leaders to Try On

Curiosity and a thirst for learning are attributes that characterize incredible leaders.

My recent explorations in this endeavor led me to a fascinating blend of the classic teachings from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and the 9 principles from my experience with the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program (MMTCP).

This blending has deepened my understanding of leadership and communication, and I’m thrilled to share these insights with you!

In Carnegie’s classic book, he shares techniques in interacting with people, ways to become more likable, strategies to persuade others to your perspective, and the finesse of instigating change without causing offense or arousing resentment.

Pairing these teachings with the “Agreements for Multicultural Interactions” from the East Bay Meditation Center (EBMC), provides a potent roadmap for effective leadership.

Let’s discuss these 9 principles!

  1. Try It On: Accepting new ideas aligns with Carnegie’s suggestion to show genuine interest in others. It’s an avenue for innovation and adaptability.
  2. Self-Focus: In the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO) we have this term we call gestalt. Our definition of gestalt is to communicate from personal experience. It not only encourages a shared universal experience it also leads to authenticity Expressing from your experiences resonates with Carnegie’s advice to be empathetic, which promotes authentic connections.
  3. Intent Vs. Impact:  I spent a lot of time in Honolulu with my brother as my mom was in hospice. At Liliha Bakery in Kalihi, I asked the waitress for more coffee. My brother told me I was offensive because I wasn’t self self-aware she was busy. At first I was taken aback. Upon relfection I saw how my intent to get coffee didn’t match the impact I was making. Acknowledge the difference between your intentions and their impact.  “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie.
    This connects with the principle of understanding the difference between intent and impact, reminding us that people respond based on how they feel, not necessarily what was intended.
  4. “Both/And” Approach: Replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’ promotes inclusivity, mirroring Carnegie’s advice to acknowledge and respect others’ opinions.
  5. Avoid Blame and Shame: Carnegie advises admitting errors quickly, which complements the principle of providing constructive feedback devoid of blame or shame.  “Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves.”
  6. Move Up/Move Back: Balancing participation aligns with Carnegie’s idea of letting others express their ideas and share their achievements.
  7. Mindful Listening: Carnegie advocates being a good listener, a practice that parallels mindful listening and paves the way for better understanding and respect.
  8. Confidentiality: Respecting confidentiality and personal boundaries aligns with Carnegie’s teachings on showing respect and consideration for others’ feelings. Often, I get excited about sharing excellent news about my entrepreneur/friends success — I have to purposefully hold myself back if this news was shared in my forum where confidentiality is cherished even if it’s good news.
  9. Right to Pass: Respecting an individual’s choice to ‘pass’ aligns with Carnegie’s principle of making others feel important and valued. We don’t need to force employees, clients, people to share. It’s okay to allow them to  listen if they aren’t interested in participating.

By integrating these mindfulness-based principles and Carnegie’s wisdom into your leadership approach, you can enhance your leadership capabilities and communication skills. The goal is to create an environment that thrives on mutual respect, inclusivity, and innovation. Here’s to leading with wisdom and empathy!

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