cShake off challenges and obstacles by Kalika Yap

Shake it off

As entrepreneurs, we meet with challenges and obstacles on a daily, (whom am I kidding), hourly, minute to minute basis.

Whether it’s negotiating a deal or handling the barrage of requests for your time. . shaking it off (especially negativity) is not as easy to do.

When I started my business, I would fly off the handle at every little thing that happened. Employee late? I’d stew in silence. Website down? Profanities would let loose.

My attorney would often remind me that the things I was worried about right now, I wouldn’t remember a year from now.

After being in business for 23 years, I have finally decided to calm down.

Here are a couple of things I do to help calm the F down.

The Framework

  1. Look – What is happening? Orient yourself.
  2. See  – What’s REALLY happening? See with your mind’s eye. Is it really that bad? Is there another way you could be looking at this situation? See the situation from the other person’s POV. Show compassion.
  3. Tell the truth (there’s a difference between honesty and truth)
    Honesty is: I think that guy is a jerk. (emotions and judgments are talking here)
    Truth: You are an extraordinary human being who is here on earth to have an extraordinary journey.Remember who you are.  People forget who they are. They forget they are resilient. They forget they are smart, strong, and funny. When you show up to life as how you really are. . life becomes easier.
  4. Take authentic action. After you’re calm. . now you can decide what to do. Don’t make decisions when you’re caught up in the moment. What would someone who is smart and loving, kind, brave do next? What is your next small sweet step?

Take a walk outside if possible. Take your shoes off and walk in the grass for 3 min…… Take your shoes off and walk it out.

If it gets really bad I call my mom…… Listen to a pre-made Calm the F down playlist. Mine is filled with the 80s/90s R&B….. I have special songs I play when I’m a little irritated; My go-to: Push it – Salt & Pepa, It’s Tricky – Run D.M.C, Party Up DMX… I have specific songs I play when I’m mad at Rodney that make me laugh. . .Whatta Man by Salt & Pepa…

Know Who You Are

Know Who You Are - Kalika Yap

Create a list of your Standards of Integrity. It is your personal compass.

Your Standards of Integrity are the core values you cherish in others, which reflect who you really are. They are the basic desirable qualities that are meaningful to you and are relevant to how you wish to experience your life.  You don’t have to invent them because they already exist within you! Your job is to live them and then contribute them to others in your life.

Integrity means “whole and complete, lacking no part.” Standard means something upon which you stand.

When you act in line with these qualities, you experience a sense of well-being. You experience satisfaction and fulfillment. You know that “all is well.”

How to create your standards?

Create this by thinking of all the people you admire. Write down the qualities that you find in other people. Do these qualities warm your heart? If so write them down. Create a notecard and put it in a place where you can see it every day. Here’s my Standards of Integrity notecard. Kalika Yap's Standard of Integrity

Remember who you are. 

See the other person thru either a red lens or green lens. A lot of the issues we have are with people.

When you see someone with a Green Lens you recognize people as heroes in their own journey…they are whole and complete, they want to make a difference, they are contributing to you now (yes, even if they are irritating you), and lastly, every person you meet needs to be treated with dignity and respect.

Practice the art of acknowledgment. What can you acknowledge about the person that’s irritating you?

Know your superpower.

Your greatest superpower is to be willing. You may not want to let it go. . but are you “willing” to let it go? Are you willing to be grateful at this very moment?

You can control how you show up.

PRACTICE being calm.

Don’t practice being angry.

Don’t hit a pillow.

Don’t scream at the top of your lungs.

Do not water your anger.

You discover that the main cause of your suffering is the seed of anger in you because it has been watered too often, by yourself and by other people.
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Anger

Start small. Take small sweet steps. 

If your barista hands you a butter croissant instead of a chocolate croissant. . .practice being calm.

You don’t need to ruminate. Let it go. Be grateful that you even have a croissant and that you can afford a croissant.

If someone cuts you off, allow them to enter your lane. Don’t be as quick to fly off the handle.

Love and kindness are always the most efficient and best action.

Here are my top 3 recommended books to shake the challenges and obstacles off.

Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames

Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames

Letting Go

Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

How to Fight (Mindfulness Essentials)

How to Fight (Mindfulness Essentials)

Quotes of the Week

Thich Nhat Hanh - Look Deeply into your anger
Do not hold on to anger
Thich Nhat Hanh - Not look Upon Anger